It's a scary thing to invite the government into your life and home, especially if your husband is an avid listener to Glenn Beck and Michael Savage.
The question of "If I refuse to do what they say, will they call CPS?" looms heavy on your mind, even as you look excitedly at the possibilities that may open for your special needs child.
God was such a real and present help to me yesterday, giving me peace about our decision. Let me tell you about it.
We had a special called service last night, and preservice prayer was wonderful. The presence of God was so close. I began to pray and soon I was asking the Lord to not just let my outside look like a Christian, but I want to be full of the Holy Ghost on the inside, so that it radiates out and affects everyone and everything around me. Then I felt led to pray about our appointment with the DDD Service Coordinator on Wednesday, that when she walked into our home, she would feel the power of God in our home and radiating from our beings. That there would be no question, no hesitation, no pushing, no arguement about Tyler's treatment plans, because the Lord would orchestrates every second of the meeting.
I felt the Holy Ghost so strongly as I was praying this (I feel it here now as I type with tears in my eyes), speaking in tongues with the force of the Holy Ghost, calling things as though they were.
I also prayed for Tyler's psychologist, a wonderful lady who has never questioned our "no-meds" stance and has been a God-send for Tyler. She's very worldly, but I began to pray for her, that God would use us to be a witness to her.
Then I remembered something that Sis Loe told me at the very beginning of this journey. She said that she always prays for and about the people that they come in contact with as they seek treatment for Russell, that maybe God would use us to be witnesses for him to these hurt parents and service providers.
In my fog, I had forgotten that. I'm not sure if I've been much of a witness at all as I struggle to accept and create our new normal. How can I witness about the Lord when...But I want to do better, to see each interaction as an opportunity to witness. I remind myself often that the greatest miracle is not always the healing, it's the journey and what God does during the journey. Isn't a soul being born into the kingdom the greatest miracle?
When we are Christian, especially when we are Christian, we struggle with our faith when God doesn't do the miracle exactly as we've asked, the first time we ask. Thank you, Lord, for reminding me that there may be a bigger reason, a bigger picture than what my human eye can see.
I was also reminded of the miracles that God has done with regards to our "no-meds" stance. The first appointment that we had with Tyler's Developmental Pediatrician he was diagnosed with Asperger's, Tourette's, and Co-Morbid ADHD (meaning that the ADHD was the result of the first two diagnoses). The doctor respected our "no-meds" stance and agreed to withhold meds for the present.
The second appointment, three months later, the doctor ran a computerized test on Tyler. She told us that the results showed that Tyler did NOT, in fact, have ADHD, therefore she saw no reason to ever put on meds!!!
When I shared this with Pastor, he said "She just told us what we already knew!" I was just so thankful that it had become a non-issue, that I would never have to argue with her about it.
So, I was reminded that God is in control. I will trust him to continue to guide us. I'm excited about the possibility of being a light to this dark world.
Please continue to keep us in prayers. Thanks so much!